Baptism  A ceremonial washing of the brain.

Blues Bar  Any establishment where lite beer is served to
white non-smoking frat boys being entertained by white non-smoking blues musicians.

Celebration  An event featuring balloons, entertainment, food, and pony-rides, taking place at an auto dealership.

Christianity  The name of a large religious cult composed mostly of the enemies of Christ, named so as to discredit him and cast his deeds into oblivion.

Christmas  The day on which the capitalists celebrate the birth of their savior, Santa Claus.
Hanukkah   Jewish Christmas. See Hanukkah Claus.

Citizen  A flag-hugger when he is at home watching television. A patriot with his mouth shut.

Compliment  Acknowledgement of another’s likeness
to oneself.

Crystals   Gems containing mighty powers, not least of which
is the power to make the bearer take leave of their senses.